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Things That Should Be Discussed with Your Partner before Marriage

– Approaching the wedding day , of course there are many things that you and your partner must prepare so that the happy day runs smoothly. However, there are some important things that may be missed, namely preparing mentally personally and discussing many things with your partner, related to life after marriage.

Yes, it is important, because married life will be very different from dating. Couples who you know very well may look different after marriage. It’s actually not because your partner has changed, but because you may not know your partner as a whole, including their principles and way of thinking.

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So, discuss the following things with your partner, before you get married:

1. Finance

Before getting married, try to discuss financial problems with your partner openly. This can make your home life and your partner more peaceful, clearer, and more determined to move forward together. Decide who will be in control of household finances and how to plan for savings. If one person finds it difficult to hold, you and your partner can agree to share roles and responsibilities.

Determine who will finance daily needs, who will pay the installments, and who will be responsible for savings, investments, and emergency funds. In essence, carefully discuss your and your partner’s financial planning before starting a household. That way, after marriage, you and your partner will not feel confused and awkward about managing finances together.

Research by Jeffrey Dew and his colleagues, published in the Journal of Financial Therapy , even found that talking about financial issues before marriage is important, because arguments about money are not always about money. That is, when discussing financial matters, you and your partner will probably reflect how each other feels about strength, commitment, respect, and fairness in the relationship.

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Two children

Many of the couples who might want the presence of a baby after marriage. But before becoming a parent, also talk about child problems to your partner, before marriage. Talk about the right time to start a pregnancy program, what you want after having children, and various other plans for children.

Because, some people sometimes want to prepare a strong financial foundation first, so they want to postpone the pregnancy program. So, you should discuss this with your partner first. In addition, child parenting also needs to be discussed from the start. This is so that you and your partner do not have different parenting patterns later.

3. Childhood Experience

In addition to planning the future with your partner, it is also important to know various things from your partner’s past, such as childhood experiences, for example. Many couples may be reluctant to discuss bad childhood experiences, but it’s actually quite important to talk about. Moreover, trauma during childhood is often a factor in mental disorders in adulthood.

Therefore, try to be more open to your partner and tell you everything about yourself, including even bad childhood experiences. This can help you and your partner to understand each other, when there is an emotional situation later. If you feel you need the help of a psychologist to deal with childhood trauma that may exist, you can consult a psychologist on the app , or make an appointment with a psychologist at the hospital , and ask your partner to accompany you.

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4. Residence

After marriage, of course you and your partner will live together. Then what if you and your partner don’t have a home together? You need to discuss this with your partner. Are you going to rent or live in one of your parents’ houses? Of course if you choose to contract, you and your partner also have to think about financial issues, where to live, and access to each other’s offices.

If you and your partner choose to live in one of your homes, there’s nothing wrong with talking about your family’s habitual problems. This is so that you and your partner are not surprised to see family habits. Of course this will be related to the comfort of one of you. The danger is, if one of you feels uncomfortable, of course this will lead to domestic quarrels.

5. Intimate Relationships

Getting married is synonymous with intimate relationships. There is nothing wrong with discussing this issue with your partner before you get married. Discuss the frequency of intercourse that you will do after marriage, or the romantic things you like before having sex. Of course this will help your household relationships become warmer.

 

Reference:
Journal of Financial Therapy (2012), vol. 3, issue 1, 43-61. Accessed 2020. A Financial Issue, A Relationship Issue, or Both? Examining the Predictors of Marital Financial Conflict.
Psychology Today. Accessed 2020. The 6 Talks a Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage.
Huffpost. Accessed 2020. 15 Things Every Couple MUST Discuss Before Getting Married.